Lesser of Two Evils?

This week has been tough, lots of bad news, sickness and it just has been non stop!
Frankly I'm almost afraid to think about the next day *sigh*

The thing is that I was an emotional eater, and still may be since that may be something we don't get rid of, we may just learn to make better choices.
Instead of eating too much I'm barely eating at all, a couple of days I've ad just a handful of Almonds, or a Protein shake...yeah, all day.
I know it's bad for me, but with everything I have going on in my head I just cannot even think about eating, the little bites I've had are just so I don't pass out.

Not that what I'm doing is a good thing, but at least I am not stuffing my face with anything and everything around me.
I used to look sideways at the girls who said "I'm too upset to eat" but, now I know what that's like.

I will get back on track, and I do plan on eating a sensible meal tonight even if I have to make myself do it.

Life has ups and downs, with and without a band...life just keeps on going and changing.

One...by a nose

I weighed before going to bed last night, I was 201.
I went to bed thinking I would hit the elusive ONEderland this morning.

There it was at 6:30 a.m.
I don't care that there is a .8 at the end, that means nothing to me because the ONE is there and it's like a badge, I earned that number.

I think it's been almost 20 years since I've been under 200. Many years I would hope and pray to get down to 200...and today? today my hope and prayer has been answered.

It's only down hill from here, and that's a good thing.

Been MIA

I thought I'd update, work and life have been busy,
I think the last time I blogged here was right after my first fill, and I have my 2nd one in five more days.

I've lost 34 lbs. since my surgery at the end of June.
My struggle with exercise is an on-going thing, I just can't get myself to just do it.

Eating is easier as in I don't do a lot of it, I don't think about it much and when I do it's because I have to go out to eat.
That has always been the hardest for me, making good choices when I'm looking at a menu and then at other people's plates is HARD, but I'm doing it.
Last week at a birthday dinner I had a salad...actually it was lettuce and dressing...because everything else on the menu was not for me. Everyone else enjoyed the family style feast of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, BBQ chicken, baked beans, buttery green beans, chicken fried steak and biscuits...that was like my own version of hell for about two hours, but I did not put a single "bad" thing into my mouth.
While everyone left there stuffed and feeling gross, I left with a happy tummy and a happy heart.

When I got home I had a little grilled chicken, and it tasted amazing.

Another victory...I'm thankful

Six weeks and I can't be trusted

I will be six weeks post-op tomorrow.

Sunday I woke up feeling great, and the scale had moved down a bit, all was well in my little world.
Then I did something really stupid, I didn't eat breakfast or lunch. We went out to run errands and by the time I finally got hungry I went from hungry to insanely super hungry in .2 seconds.
Not good you say? not good at all I say.

We went to Red Robin, where I knew I could get a salad and hubby would get a burger, easy right?
Not.
he ordered Onion Rings for an appetizer and I said "I'll just have a little one" and that little one turned into THREE, and then my meal came, so did his...and along with his burger were fries, the most delish fries.
I had one, then another and well you know where this is going.
I ate too much, and it HURT, and I knew it would but I didn't stop.

I cannot be trusted around food.

Yesterday I was "good" at work but then I got home starving and did it again. I had way too much for diner, it hurt again and I told myself never again.
Today I stepped on the scale, and I have gained 3 lbs.

I'm having my EAS shake for Breakfast, and will have another one for lunch...and one for dinner, because I feel bloated and gross and I'm really pissed off at myself.
I can't let myself go there, I've got to learn to control myself...I've lost 21 lbs. and that's a lot BUT...I could have lost more this week, if I hadn't lost my mind...I'm really disappointed in myself. 

Stripped

I figured at a month after surgery I should have my Steri Strips off, a couple fell off on their own but the others? they were hanging on for dear life.
I got brave and GENTLY pulled them off last night.

My incisions...are fabulous! I've had other surgeries and I'm a good healer, but Dr. C must also be a Plastic Surgeon, I had a hard time actually seeing the incisions and when I showed my husband he had the same reaction.
Rock on Dr. C!

I went to an event for work last night, thankfully they had a semi-healthy table with fruit, cheese and crackers. On the other side though, it was temptation galore with lots of breads and sweets.
I didn't trust myself to go anywhere near that area.
I did have 4 teeny tiny bites of pecan pie, just enough to kill the craving and make me feel guilty.
Guilt works.

I can now tell that I have no restriction, I can eat as much as I want but I have been very good. I have no problem chugging water, and I can eat more than one cup of soup where a couple of weeks ago that was not an option.
So I know I have to be very good, and really watch what passes through my lips.
Seeing the numbers drop on the scale is a big motivation for me, so I need to keep it up and as much as some say it's a bad idea, I will keep weighing every day.
That works for me, it keeps me in check and motivates me to keep making good choices.

I plan on getting some walking in this weekend, the low energy thing has kept me from doing much at all, but I started being diligent about taking my Vitamins and Protein shakes.
Hopefully it won't be 300 degrees in the shade this weekend...ha!

First Month...Nailed it!

It's been a month today since my surgery, so I thought I'd add a quick update.

• The first week was HARD, lots of pain and discomfort
• Week two was a bit better, but still painful and had major gas pain on my shoulders
• Third week, the gas pain started to taper off, had very little energy
• Week four, less pain but have started having the "pulling" feeling around the band area, still tire easily and have little energy

Total Lbs. gone for ever=18

Would I do it again? yes!
What I would do differently? seriously do a pre-op diet. It wasn't required for me.

I'm looking forward to feeling more like myself in the next few weeks, I feel drained by mid-day, I also wish the swelling in my stomach would go down already...baby steps, I know...I know.

Control? I have none...

So, I got so frustrated with our scale that I ordered this one from Amazon.
I researched and found that the Eat Smart brand has the best reviews, it's amazing how many people swear by them.
Hopefully I will be happy when I step on it.
The old scale did give me a three pound loss yesterday, but I'm not trusting that sucker.

I'm doing well with my eating, I know I'm still not eating enough calories and not getting enough Protein, but..I don't know, I just want to see results.
Since I have NO energy whatsoever, I can't work out and even walking wears me out, at the end of the work day I am just exhausted. Actually, by mid-day I'm pretty much done.

I wasn't sleeping well so I got some Zzzquil, and it does the trick. I take two each night and I sleep like a baby.

I got a "You haven't lost weight" comment, and I knew I would, it's apparently a rite of banded passage, it still bothered me. I've lost at least 15 pounds, but I am still very swollen from the surgery so yeah, I don't LOOK smaller to other people, but I see it and feel it, and so does my husband.
I can't wait for my stomach to start shrinking.

Patience is hard for me.

I still have soreness and pain, again, I can't wait to feel better.
This band is teaching me a lot...it's teaching me that I am not the one in control here, at least not now.

My first fill will be the first week in September, but I may have to postpone it, as I have a business trip a few days later, and I hear it's not good to fly newly filled...see? I have NO control.

Un-loser

How can it be possible that I did not lose a single pound in my third week?
I think my scale is out of wack, more like that bitch IS wack!
My husband is positive it's broken, he says I look a lot smaller...so yeah, who knows.

I feel a lot better this week, still not sleeping well but it's not as bad as it was last week.

On the Cheap Side

I wore jeans to work today, but it was not a good idea because even though they are loose, they still pinched around my incisions, and that's not good.

I ran into Wal*Mart to grab something comfy.
I ended up getting 3 pairs of El Cheapo capri pants, denim, white and army green each $8.
It made sense to me to get these transitional items, I won't feel as bad in a few weeks when they don't fit and I must donate them, no big investment there.
I got a size 16-18 which are pretty roomy already, but they fit my swollen tummy just fine.

Yesterday I bought a protein powder pack to try:

I could only take two sips...awful, awful stuff.
So far, the Adkins and EAS are my favorites.

Post-Op Visit

Went in for my follow up appointment.
I still have all but one of my steri-strips, I had one fall off last night.
Apparently I just need to wait until the all fall off...anxious to see what the incision look like.

I've lost 14 lbs. according to their records, I will take that.

I talked to him about the pain I'm having, and he said it's normal to have pain in that area for about 4-6 weeks. All part of the healing process Miss Impatient.

I went to Whole Foods today and bought some different Protein powder, and a few single servings to try.
I also got some Chicken Salad which came in a tiny 1/4 cup container, I ate about 5 small bites and I was full.

I know I'm not eating enough...and yesterday I woke up weighing three pounds more that the day before, that really pissed me off and ruined my entire day. I "punished" myself by only drinking water and having one serving of SF Jell-O.
Food issues much???

Almost two weeks

I have not updated since my surgery, which is probably good. I would have sounded like a huge whinebag.
The first five days were bad, not gonna sugar coat it, I was in a lot of pain from the minute I woke up in recovery and the heavy meds. only helped a little.

I didn't have an appetite until day six, around 3a.m. I realized what that weird feeling in my tummy was, it was my old pal hunger.
I got up and drank half of a EAS shake and went back to bed.

Now I'm on day 12, and 12 must be the magic number because that is how many pounds I've lost since the surgery.

How do I feel today? I'm a bit sore in the tummy area, but that's manageable and although I don't feel 100% like myself, it's not bad.

I still don't have an appetite, I miss eating certain things when I see them on T.V or in person, but I don't have the urge to eat.
I make sure I drink my protein drinks, and I have been eating a lot of SF Jell-O and SF Pudding.
One of my treats is soup, I've graduated to regular soups and I just take out the "bad" stuff, like the pasta in Minestrone, low sodium of course, and I can only eat less than half of a can of soup.

I go back for my Post-op follow up on the 5th. I think Dr. C will remove the steri strips the, so I can finally see my incisions...they have not given me any trouble, some people have a lot of itching but not me.

Til next time.

Tomorrow...tomorrow....

Here I am, the night before my date with Bambi.

I should be feeling something right? but I'm not, and maybe that's good, it beats being a nervous wreck.

I know reality will set in tomorrow, probably on the long drive there...I bet once I'm there I will be too busy to freak, there is paperwork to fill out etc.

Yep, I'm rambling...silly girl.

Miss Bambi Lapband

I'm two days away from one of the milestones in my 40 plus years, I am having Lap-band surgery.

I name everything, so I named my band Bambi.
I'm hoping Miss Bambi and I will have a great long run, I hope this is the start of a great journey, a new life and all that jazz.

So, I have quite a bit of weight to lose. I'm not sure what my goal weight is, I am shooting more for good health and better quality of life.

Weight loss, looking better...that will be icing on the cake.

Tonight it feels like the 20th is a long time away, two days...I'm ready, but it still feels like a foggy dream.

Tomorrow I will post the pre-op photos...look at me, so brave.