Six weeks and I can't be trusted

I will be six weeks post-op tomorrow.

Sunday I woke up feeling great, and the scale had moved down a bit, all was well in my little world.
Then I did something really stupid, I didn't eat breakfast or lunch. We went out to run errands and by the time I finally got hungry I went from hungry to insanely super hungry in .2 seconds.
Not good you say? not good at all I say.

We went to Red Robin, where I knew I could get a salad and hubby would get a burger, easy right?
Not.
he ordered Onion Rings for an appetizer and I said "I'll just have a little one" and that little one turned into THREE, and then my meal came, so did his...and along with his burger were fries, the most delish fries.
I had one, then another and well you know where this is going.
I ate too much, and it HURT, and I knew it would but I didn't stop.

I cannot be trusted around food.

Yesterday I was "good" at work but then I got home starving and did it again. I had way too much for diner, it hurt again and I told myself never again.
Today I stepped on the scale, and I have gained 3 lbs.

I'm having my EAS shake for Breakfast, and will have another one for lunch...and one for dinner, because I feel bloated and gross and I'm really pissed off at myself.
I can't let myself go there, I've got to learn to control myself...I've lost 21 lbs. and that's a lot BUT...I could have lost more this week, if I hadn't lost my mind...I'm really disappointed in myself. 

Stripped

I figured at a month after surgery I should have my Steri Strips off, a couple fell off on their own but the others? they were hanging on for dear life.
I got brave and GENTLY pulled them off last night.

My incisions...are fabulous! I've had other surgeries and I'm a good healer, but Dr. C must also be a Plastic Surgeon, I had a hard time actually seeing the incisions and when I showed my husband he had the same reaction.
Rock on Dr. C!

I went to an event for work last night, thankfully they had a semi-healthy table with fruit, cheese and crackers. On the other side though, it was temptation galore with lots of breads and sweets.
I didn't trust myself to go anywhere near that area.
I did have 4 teeny tiny bites of pecan pie, just enough to kill the craving and make me feel guilty.
Guilt works.

I can now tell that I have no restriction, I can eat as much as I want but I have been very good. I have no problem chugging water, and I can eat more than one cup of soup where a couple of weeks ago that was not an option.
So I know I have to be very good, and really watch what passes through my lips.
Seeing the numbers drop on the scale is a big motivation for me, so I need to keep it up and as much as some say it's a bad idea, I will keep weighing every day.
That works for me, it keeps me in check and motivates me to keep making good choices.

I plan on getting some walking in this weekend, the low energy thing has kept me from doing much at all, but I started being diligent about taking my Vitamins and Protein shakes.
Hopefully it won't be 300 degrees in the shade this weekend...ha!

First Month...Nailed it!

It's been a month today since my surgery, so I thought I'd add a quick update.

• The first week was HARD, lots of pain and discomfort
• Week two was a bit better, but still painful and had major gas pain on my shoulders
• Third week, the gas pain started to taper off, had very little energy
• Week four, less pain but have started having the "pulling" feeling around the band area, still tire easily and have little energy

Total Lbs. gone for ever=18

Would I do it again? yes!
What I would do differently? seriously do a pre-op diet. It wasn't required for me.

I'm looking forward to feeling more like myself in the next few weeks, I feel drained by mid-day, I also wish the swelling in my stomach would go down already...baby steps, I know...I know.

Control? I have none...

So, I got so frustrated with our scale that I ordered this one from Amazon.
I researched and found that the Eat Smart brand has the best reviews, it's amazing how many people swear by them.
Hopefully I will be happy when I step on it.
The old scale did give me a three pound loss yesterday, but I'm not trusting that sucker.

I'm doing well with my eating, I know I'm still not eating enough calories and not getting enough Protein, but..I don't know, I just want to see results.
Since I have NO energy whatsoever, I can't work out and even walking wears me out, at the end of the work day I am just exhausted. Actually, by mid-day I'm pretty much done.

I wasn't sleeping well so I got some Zzzquil, and it does the trick. I take two each night and I sleep like a baby.

I got a "You haven't lost weight" comment, and I knew I would, it's apparently a rite of banded passage, it still bothered me. I've lost at least 15 pounds, but I am still very swollen from the surgery so yeah, I don't LOOK smaller to other people, but I see it and feel it, and so does my husband.
I can't wait for my stomach to start shrinking.

Patience is hard for me.

I still have soreness and pain, again, I can't wait to feel better.
This band is teaching me a lot...it's teaching me that I am not the one in control here, at least not now.

My first fill will be the first week in September, but I may have to postpone it, as I have a business trip a few days later, and I hear it's not good to fly newly filled...see? I have NO control.

Un-loser

How can it be possible that I did not lose a single pound in my third week?
I think my scale is out of wack, more like that bitch IS wack!
My husband is positive it's broken, he says I look a lot smaller...so yeah, who knows.

I feel a lot better this week, still not sleeping well but it's not as bad as it was last week.

On the Cheap Side

I wore jeans to work today, but it was not a good idea because even though they are loose, they still pinched around my incisions, and that's not good.

I ran into Wal*Mart to grab something comfy.
I ended up getting 3 pairs of El Cheapo capri pants, denim, white and army green each $8.
It made sense to me to get these transitional items, I won't feel as bad in a few weeks when they don't fit and I must donate them, no big investment there.
I got a size 16-18 which are pretty roomy already, but they fit my swollen tummy just fine.

Yesterday I bought a protein powder pack to try:

I could only take two sips...awful, awful stuff.
So far, the Adkins and EAS are my favorites.

Post-Op Visit

Went in for my follow up appointment.
I still have all but one of my steri-strips, I had one fall off last night.
Apparently I just need to wait until the all fall off...anxious to see what the incision look like.

I've lost 14 lbs. according to their records, I will take that.

I talked to him about the pain I'm having, and he said it's normal to have pain in that area for about 4-6 weeks. All part of the healing process Miss Impatient.

I went to Whole Foods today and bought some different Protein powder, and a few single servings to try.
I also got some Chicken Salad which came in a tiny 1/4 cup container, I ate about 5 small bites and I was full.

I know I'm not eating enough...and yesterday I woke up weighing three pounds more that the day before, that really pissed me off and ruined my entire day. I "punished" myself by only drinking water and having one serving of SF Jell-O.
Food issues much???